A journey of finding community and coming out

Saddleback College’s LGBTQ+ center. Lariat | Simon Miliauskas

Coming out is one of the most personal and vulnerable experiences in an LGBTQ+ person’s life.

Considering pride month is right around the corner, many Saddleback students who are still in the closet — a term used for LGBTQ+ people who have not yet come out — may be searching for advice on figuring themselves out, navigating the whole coming out process, or finding a sense of community.

A few LGBTQ+ students here on campus were kind enough to share their experiences and advice.

Roxanne Yavas, she/her, bisexual trans woman

“I first realized that I enjoyed feminine things in middle school and I began considering myself a femboy. The self discovery was great, but I began putting extremely unrealistic beauty expectations on myself based on models and fictional characters.”

“Even though I thought I was just a feminine man, I experienced dysphoria over being called a man or being referred to masculinely in any way, and whenever I hung out with my cis women friends, the thought that I wasn’t like them made me extremely upset.”

“I hung with these feelings until Junior year of highschool, when I gained the confidence to accept myself through an unlikely source. I began playing Guilty Gear Strive, which has a character named Bridget, who is a trans woman.”

“As silly as it sounds, seeing Bridget’s story made me realize I was in the same position. I was holding onto this masquerade of being a feminine man because to me it seemed more “normal,” more acceptable to the people around me. If I wanted to be truly happy, I needed to take that leap and be earnest with myself even if it’s scary.”

“You have to find your community as fast as possible. I was very lucky in high school to have an active GSA with a lot of wonderful people, and I’m even luckier at Saddleback to have the Rainbow Collective and the Pride Space. Seriously, my most immediate advice to any queer person who goes to Saddleback is to visit the Pride Space, seriously.”

“It can be easy to slip into online queer communities, and there’s nothing wrong with these spaces necessarily, but it’s so important that you have queer friends in real life, there’s no substitute for it.”

Eliott Gannon, he/him, queer transgender man

“I wasn’t sure how my parents would react, so I told them over text while I was at school. I know some people choose to come out through a note or a letter, but I wanted to know exactly when they saw it and how they reacted, without being physically around them when it happened.”

“Even though it wasn’t received very well, I was able to find a good community at school, and that’s still true for me at Saddleback with the Rainbow Collective, which in my experience has been an amazing place to make friends and find support.”

“In terms of family, some advice I would give for those looking to come out is to test the waters first, especially if you still live with or rely on family, to get an idea of how they view LGBTQ+ people and of how they’d react to you coming out.”

“I would definitely recommend the Rainbow Collective to any LGBTQ+ students looking for an accepting space on campus!”

Edith Pugh, she/her

“When I first started questioning, I spent months agonizing over whether I was 100% sure that I was trans, inventing increasingly esoteric exceptions that fell apart upon any scrutiny.”

“My advice to someone who’s in that sort of situation right now is that, once you’ve adequately sounded out your support circle’s opinion on trans people, you should just go for it.”

“In my experience, spending one month socially transitioned tells you one-hundred times more about if you’re trans than ten months journaling in your room or saving trans memes to your phone that in retrospect were not funny at all but in the moment they seemed kinda funny because they were relatable.”

Rebecca Minerva Darnell, any/all, bisexual genderfluid person

“My coming out story isn’t the best as most of my family weren’t very supportive, when I told my mom I was bisexual she said I was so desperate for love that now I was willing to be with girls to get it, I haven’t come out to any family as genderfluid yet.”

“For my advice, I’d say make sure if you come out it’s to people who you can trust and know you’ll be safe with.”

While not every coming out story is happy, being honest with yourself and finding a community that loves you for who you are is where happiness can come from. The process isn’t always easy, but for those who are currently struggling, it’s important to continue living authentically. One day, you can reach genuine happiness and live your most fulfilling life.

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