The Phantom refuses to vacate LRC

Midnight Creeping: security footage from the LRC catches the phantom in menacing acts (Marissa Yocham/Lariat)

In the depths of the Learning Resource Center at Saddleback college, lurks a mysterious figure that has caused terror and mayhem on our campus. Recent rumors that a performing arts major has gone mad after taking method acting a step too far and believes himself to be the Phantom from Andrew Lloyd Webber’s cash cow, “The Phantom of the Opera” that is somewhat based off of Gaston Leroux’s 1910 novel of the same name.

The Phantom has taken up residence in the LRC, sleeping on the couches, using copies of the Lariat taped together as a makeshift blanket. He has even been known to steal staplers, dry erase markers and even the printer from Room 117.

This madman enjoys disrupting the Wi-Fi connection by unplugging the router for his sick amusement. According to the campus police, the Phantom has a habit of monologuing to himself exclusively in the third person while skulking in darkened corners and practicing his cape swishes. He has also been known to sabotage projectors and projector screens which leads to lectures to be disrupted.

The Phantom also enjoys terrorizing members of the Lariat staff by stealing printer paper and leaving notes that demand for more coverage on his bold and daring feats. He has also been known to write passive aggressive notes to college president, Gregory Anderson, demanding a salary and a 19th century chandelier to be installed. Both requests have been declined by Anderson, the Phantom has vowed revenge via post-it notes but has submitted his request to the academic senate.

He is also known to sing songs from the musical, however he takes his vocal style is modeled off of the caterwauling catastrophe that is Gerard Butler from the 2004 movie of Webber’s Broadway behemoth. The Phantom’s unwanted vocal performances has also led to an increase in noise complaints from students in the library.

The reason behind the Phantom’s residency still remains unknown. The Phantom refused to comment after several long hours of playing cat and mouse and cornering him in a secluded area of the bottom floor of the LRC.

However, he seems to be branching out to other parts of campus. A vending machine was vandalized earlier this semester which has led to suspicions that a certain masked maniac was behind this attack on an innocent snack dispenser.

The Phantom still manages to evade capture from campus police, so if you happen to encounter him, be on your guard or he will subject you to a 20 minute ramble about Sarah Brightman having a restraining order on him.