Stand your academic ground

Faculty members, like the one pictured here, have noticed a noticeable rise in respect from students due to new laws and their weapons of choice (Photo by Niko LaBarbera)

Open-carry and stand-your-ground laws have finally been enacted at Saddleback College and Irvine Valley College. Ever since they’ve been introduced, sabers have been rattling both figuratively and literally.

Students and teachers have brought weapons of all kinds onto campus. Traditional fare such as knives, handguns and brass knuckles are common. Katana swords and ninja sais have also been spotted adding an eastern flair to. There’s been more originality shown with Hulk smash fists and light sabers too.

Already such weapons have been put to good use in defending students against all manner of attacks. It’s hard to really know where to start as there’s all manner of conflicts being resolved. Would be criminals are in a silent retreat.

Take for example Shirley Moore at IVC. Moore, believing she was under attack by student Alex Monroe, utilized her butcher’s cleaver to slice her attacker’s weapon in two.

As was later found out, Monroe was actually preparing to present what a paperback copy of “Twilight” by Stephanie Meyer. That book in question was more than enough for Monroe to be arrested for attempting to kill the brain cells of others. Moore was acquitted thanks to the laws.

Of course there’s bound to be party poopers. Critics have already come out listing numerous issues and problems. The student government has heard over 785 different petitions against the laws. Critics too have made a list of problems they claim is so big it’s can be used as a long, thin carpet.

Now we could consider the “facts” that critics have pointed to. Critics claim the new laws have given people an easier time getting out of trouble. The evidence of questionable “accidents” and consistent property damage that people have escaped punishment from with the laws appear to warrant thought.

It might also be very tempting to ponder that, given human nature, we might need better regulations. We might even go so far as to think it might be in everyone’s best interests if these laws were rolled back all together.

But why bother thinking hard? It’s obvious Saddleback and IVC are better campuses now. Sure there’s been problems but nothing’s perfect.

Doing something as ridiculous as coercing people to be cordial and have to depend on other people to defend them is just overreaching. It’s also bad etiquette according to such intelligent and grounded folk like the NRA.

Just consider the benefits of the laws. Annoying protestors are afraid to come on campus, bullying has lowered to almost total non-existence and the campus police are never bored due to being kept constantly busy. Plus considering George Zimmerman’s been hired as a grief counselor, what’s there to really be complaining about?

Ignore the critics. Grab your ideal weapon of defense. Always be vigilant. and on’t be afraid to take a stand.

But it’s still important we be polite enough to clean up any bloody messes. The least we can do to thank the school in trusting us to be more self-dependent is helping to keep the school clean.

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