April Fools is canceled!

Saddleback students Alexa Parvaneh (left) and Chloe Konoske (right) protesting against April Fools day at Saddleback. | Jacquelyn Sharga

The students at Saddleback are tired of being duped!

On March 31, Saddleback students staged a coup in protest against April Fool’s. For many years the students of Saddleback have been ruthlessly pranked. This causes major damage to the egos of many, if not all that have fallen into the joke traps. 

“Last April Fool’s day someone literally killed me on campus,” said ghost student Alexa Parvaneh. “Ever since then it’s been super hard for me to make friends and go to classes.” 

Students are tired of being pranked by their fellow peers both in person and online. The prankees have made it known that one way they have been most convincingly duped is through the campus’ newspaper, The Lariat. Students are known for annually falling for the misinformation that has been spread on this devious day for close to a decade from the Lariat staff. 

“It’s beyond unprofessional and inappropriate to say the least,” said Saddleback student Lucas Morgan. “In fact it is going way too far almost to the point that it is rated R. The infamous Lariat is the reason why I can’t trust any form of media in this day and age.”

For those who do not know, The Lariat was once a trusted resource, but because of Professor Tim Posada, writers have been allowed to spread misinformation every forsaken Fools Day. 

“I hate you Lariat,” said Morgan. “You pranked me and it made me cry. The only course of action Saddleback should take is to send each writer of the Lariat to the principal’s office and have them expelled!”

First pranks, then fake news, what’s next? Witchcraft? The people of Saddleback, more specifically the pranksters on the Lariat Staff,  need to be reprimanded for their actions, and that includes the staff. 

Students should be able to show up to school on April Fool’s day without paranoia accompanying them. Saddleback should have willingly decreed years ago that anyone who partakes in foolish behavior on this “holiday” should be made to look like a fool themselves. 

“Saddleback needs to take care of this somehow,” said Saddleback student Chloe Konoske. “I carry a handheld mirror on my person at all times to make sure nobody puts a ‘kick me’ sign on my back, I feel physically distressed whenever I’m offered a piece of gum out of fear I will get shocked and I break into a cold sweat each time I get a call from an unknown number because I can’t endure the thousandth phone call asking me if my refrigerator is running. Enough is enough!”

Saddleback has heard the pleas of the embarrassed and frightened students and has announced that anyone who partakes in April Fool’s affiliated nonsense on campus grounds will be immediately expelled.

Ex-Saddleback student Bailey Parvaneh is now a dog because of April Fools day. | Jacquelyn Sharga