TIMES How-to Survive El Niño

An abundance of rain caused a street intersection to close down due to a flood. (Library of Virginia/Wikipedia Commons)

Simple instructions on how to manage the stress associated with the 2016 El Niño.

In Southern California, rain equates to the end of the world. The ever so daunting 2016 El Niño supposedly bringing above average rainfall to a large portion of Southern California is sure to cause overwhelming stress in its victims. To manage this stress, simply follow these instructions to create a floating fort where you will have a safe place to decompress:

1. Buy two high performance rafts to keep your fort afloat, four 2×4’s, two large sheets of wood, black plastic wrap, clear plastic wrap, waterproof sealant, and a nail gun used for non-violent OKactivities only.
2. Apply the waterproof sealant to all of the wood to ensure your fort will be capable of enduring the full length of the storm.
3. Let sealant dry.
4. Place the sheets of wood over the rafts and nail them into place creating a floor.
5. Place one 2×4 in each corner of the floor and nail them into place creating four standing posts.
6. Take the black plastic wrap and wrap it around connecting the posts and nail them into place. Do not attach the end of the plastic to the last post just yet. (You want to use the black plastic for the walls because you don’t want to see whether or not you’re headed for disaster. You want to go with the flow and whatever happens, happens. The sight of you headed towards a pole or tree will only cause more unwanted stress.)
7. Take the clear plastic wrap and attach it to the top of the posts using the nail gun creating a roof. (You want to use the clear plastic for the roof just incase the sun decides to come out. This event would cause great relief for your stress.)
8. Now, your fort is almost complete.  All you have to do is attach the last end of the black plastic to complete the walls. Before you do so, go inside and find your dusty yoga mat from your closet, paper, crayons, and speakers.
9. Once you have all of that, put everything inside your fort.
10. Sit inside your fort and attach the end of the black plastic to the last post.
11. Set up your yoga mat, speakers, paper, and crayons.

Congratulations! You built a fort to help you survive El Niño and manage the overwhelming stress that comes along with the storm. Now, turn on a relaxing song and meditate. After that, take your paper and crayons and draw a self-portrait of yourself smiling under the sun while the birds chirp and the palm trees sway in the breeze.

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