How to piss off your server

Waitress fakes a smile while waiting for you to stop texting & just order already. (Public Domain)

Ways to guarantee your server will literally hate you. The following is based on a true story:

  • Order all waters and share one soda.
  • Snap your fingers at us.
  • Not move your giant iPhone10XSMegaPlusR when we’re to give you a hot plate.
  • Ask for one thing at a time instead of all at once to save us a trip!
  • Say you “forgot to ask for no tomatoes” as soon as the food hits the table.
  • Steal our pens!
  • When we ask if you need anything else, answer with “the winning lottery numbers.”
  • Say you’re ready to order and then make us stand there for another 5 minutes while you continue deciding.
  • Tip in anything other than cash. (candy, bibles, lottery tickets)
  • Answer “Diet Coke” when we greet ourselves and welcome you to the restaurant.
  • Let your bratty kids run around our legs while we carry heavy plates.
  • Let those same bratty kids throw food and color all over the window.
  • Tip $20 on a $1,000 tab and claim you’re “too poor to tip correctly.”
  • Think that a compliment and a hug will make up for not tipping at all.
  • Keep all your plates at the opposite end of the table so the server can’t pre-buss.
  • Say “I obviously hated it!” when we take your empty plate back.
  • Yell at us while we’re obviously talking to another table.

When dining out, please remember that we are there to serve you, not be your servant! Servers are people too and deserve to be treated with respect, not looked down upon because you think we don’t have a “real” job. Always remember that we have to tip out an average of 4% on every table, so when you stiff your server, we are paying out of pocket for you to eat. Also, keep in mind, we are all talking shit on you in the kitchen if you’re an offender of any of these unspoken rules.

Cheers!

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