Feminism is about autonomy, not choice

Graphics by Mitra Andrews

Feminism is not about choice. I know, that sounds bad and you’re probably thinking, “well, then what is it about if not giving women the right to choose what they want to do with their own lives?”

In a recent number of years, “trad wives” have been popping up all over social media. “Trad wives,” or traditional wives are an often extremely religious subculture of stay-at-home mothers who encourage young girls and women to quit school and their careers to become financially dependent on their husbands and have as many children as possible. 

But where did this come from? The traditional role of stay-at-home mothers has always existed, so why now are there a bunch of young women preaching on apps like Instagram and TikTok that a woman’s sole purpose is to cook, clean, and pop out babies? 

It might stem from the fact that for most women, we have the “choice” to have children or to not have children — but it’s not that simple. 

If a woman chooses to have children, she can look forward to costly medical bills, no guaranteed federal paid maternity leave and no subsidized child care. If a woman chooses not to have children, she can look forward to social ostracization, it’s a lose-lose situation. 

Not to mention, the United States has the highest rate of maternal mortality of any developed country, especially for Black women, who are three times more likely to die from pregnancy and childbirth related complications than white women. 

“Trad wives” are typically anti-feminist and believe that feminism is a failure because they don’t want to leave their children and go work a nine to five. 

The culture of work in the United States is another likely factor in the rise of “trad wives.” If you are a stay-at-home mom, you only have one job, taking care of your children and home, but if you are a working mother, you have two jobs: the one you get to clock out from and the one you don’t. 

When you are given the “choice” of having one job or two, having just one seems to be the easiest option. However, with inflation and the never-ending rising cost of living, that option seems to get further and further out of reach. 

This can also be applied to those who are sex workers. What “choice” do sex workers have? They can choose between starvation and homelessness or they can be paid to perform dehumanizing sexual acts in order to survive. Those are their “choices.” 

Feminism has been so beneficial to women, even to the ones who are against it, that the original meaning behind the feminist movement has been completely lost. 

Feminism is not about “choosing” whether you want to go to work or be a stay-at-home mom or whether or not being a sex worker is a “choice.” 

Feminism is about intersectional liberation and the right to be seen as an autonomous human being. 

It is about the right to make your own medical decisions, the right to stop having children when you want to stop having children and not your husband, the right to divorce your spouse, the right to have your own bank account without needing permission from your father or husband, the right to say no to having sex with your spouse. 

People forget that less than a century ago, women did not have these rights. For the women before us, it wasn’t about choice, it was about freedom. You do not have the “choice” to treat women as if they are not autonomous human beings.

When we make feminism about self-actualization, it becomes a movement strongly embedded in hyperindividualism where behavior rooted in blatant sexism and misogyny can be disregarded as one’s own “choice.”

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