Ask the Advice Whisperer

Questions answered about life, love and finance 
By Andrea Zuckerman Clemett

Ask the Advice Whisperer. (Andrea Clemett/ Lariat)

Ask the Advice Whisperer. (Andrea Clemett/ Lariat)

Demoted For Political Views

I work at an eclectic vegan cafe where I was a food server and now I got demoted to dishwasher. I got demoted because my coworker found out that I voted for Trump. She was stalking my Instagram posts from 2016 and saw that I used the hashtag #makeamericagreatagain a few times. When she confronted me, I admitted it in confidence and two days later she told our manager who’s a Bernie fanatic. Even though it was a long time ago and I only did it because I thought Trump advocated for small businesses and I was going to get a pay raise. I really only voted for him because of the money and now I realize this job actually pays more since we are protected by the Vegan Union of Orange County.

Please advise how I can untangle myself from this web and get back to my old server position, especially because I’m a free spirit and I don’t even follow politics.

-Branden Walsh, last election regrets

Dear Branden Walsh, last election regrets,

This situation is more common than you think and has created crossroads in many workplaces and relationships. You cannot overtly change your stance by announcing it, since a Bernie fan will not fall for it. Stick to slow and subtle changes for the win.

Firstly, walk in to work nonchalantly a few days a week with a copy of the “New York Times” or “Washington Post” folded under your arm and occasionally do the crossword puzzle on your breaks. Secondly, participate in a march and post it. You do not have to be political to attend. Lastly, lease a hybrid car and if anyone brings up the past, laughingly claim it was “fake news.”

If all else fails, get a new job, delete your Instagram and stay off the radar until the next primary election.


Desperate For Marriage 

I have been with my boo thang for six years now and I’m dying for a proposal. I think money for an engagement ring, honeymoon etc., seem to be the reasons why he’s not poppin’ the question. Whenever we go to 711 he makes promising comments like, “if I win this SuperLotto babe, the first thing I do will be to marry you.” He also apologizes for always having to go dutch on the check and gets mad if I offer to pay. I know money is the only thing holding us back from getting hitched. How do I convince him money should not come between us?

-Kel Taylor

Dear Kel Taylor,

Yes, you’re right. He is not marrying you due to monetary reasons. It seems as if his pride is not letting him omit the traditional fancy gestures. I recommend that you hire a friend to act as an estate dispute lawyer and claim he had a long-lost uncle’s inheritance.

Buy your own engagement ring, Visa travel card and collect extra cash to give to your fictitious lawyer. Have your lawyer serve him with fake papers of the inheritance and with the items described. Bada bing bada boom, expect your proposal in a week.


Blond For Fun

I have always heard that expression ‘blonde have more fun.’ I recently took the plunge and spent $350 to go blond. Now, I am truly having the time of my life. I’m receiving heaps of attention from men and women, getting into shows for free and being offered complimentary meals. I’m terrified that if I stop coloring my hair, I won’t have as much fun. Help me, as I’m blond and afraid.

-Brian Houston Green

Dear Brian Houston Green,

Perhaps you were fugly before and the change of style elevated you into the cool crowd. However, please do not confuse popularity with fun.

In order to capture the true essence of a blond, you have bring out your inner blond spirit, not just in your appearance. You have to be the blond, breathe blond and finally become the blond.

Go out to a club or event to study a fun blond in action. You will be able to see that they are naturally sexy and give off hints of their sultriness. They can be persuasive in consistently getting what they want, without being commanding. They also are very clever in concealing their intelligence, since most people are turned off with know-it-all individuals.

After you have manifested yourself into a true blond inside and out, you will always have more fun, even if you let your roots grow out.