This election is malarkey

Erin Sundberg drinks to avoid thinking about the election results. Ryan Gardner/Courtesy

Happy day after Election Day! Every American was on edge yesterday as we thought we were finally going to find out who wins the 2020 presidential election. Well, at least we thought we would have by now. 

Who knows when we’re going to have a final answer. Don’t hold your breath.

This year’s election has been special in many different ways. For instance, we won’t know who won until all of the ballots are fished out of lakes and picked up out of gutters.

Either way it turns out, the country will remain extremely divided. Big cities should be prepared for riots for weeks after the final decision. Preparing for the emotional turmoil circulating throughout the United States is the smart thing to do.

Former Vice President Joe Biden has been rallying his troops in Pennsylvania with Lady Gaga. Meanwhile, President Trump has been in multiple different cities nearly every day, holding rallies.

There have been no discussions of policies at these rallies, just like there wasn’t during the first or second presidential debates.

The second presidential debate took place on Oct. 22 at Belmont University in Nashville, Tennessee.

“I’m anticipating tonight’s debate much in the same way I anticipate my friends who are ER nurses telling me stories of things they find jammed up people’s butts,” said Allison Gill, host of the Daily Beans Podcast, in a tweet.

Trump and Biden spent the night taking subtle jabs at each other. Their attempts to make the other look like a fool backfired and they both sounded incompetent to run the country.

“We can’t lock ourselves in basements like Joe does,” said Trump during the debate in regards to his response to the COVID-19 pandemic.

Biden took a six-day hiatus before the debate while Trump held rallies in several different cities around the United States. Shout out to Newport Beach!

Kristen Welker was the moderator for the debate. She has been applauded by several people, including President Trump himself, during the debate for how well she handled it. She was classy and efficient in letting the two clowns get their responses in.

Climate change was a big topic in the debate. Biden wants there to be only electric cars in the future. He wants a bunch of charging stations to line our highways.

“Trump just got Biden to say he wants to end the oil industry,” said Ben Shapiro, an American commentator, in a tweet. “Wild.”

Obviously, the whole electric car fantasy will be very, very far in the future, if at all. There is no way on God’s green Earth that Biden can get that done in four to eight years. Welker even asked why Biden would get rid of the oil industry in an attempt to get him to redact his statement.

“Just want to know who is buying me an electric car,” said former Saddleback College student Ryan Gardner, in regards to the debate. “Because I certainly am not.”

Another major topic of the night was other countries’ influence on this year’s election taking place on Nov. 3. Russia, China and now Iran are trying to interfere. A lot of new evidence has come up that Biden’s son Hunter has been engaging in activities with Russia.

“Joe got 3.5 million dollars from Russia,” Trump said during the debate. “Someday you’ll have to explain.”

Biden denied that he’s getting paid out by Russia. Who knows, maybe he’s not. Why would Russia want Biden to be president?

“Look this isn’t about,” Biden said in response to Trump stating that he was getting paid by Russia. “There’s a reason he’s bringing up this malarkey.”

Finishing thoughts are not one of Biden’s strong suits. At least he had tons of Americans looking up the meaning of “malarkey.”

Minorities were barely touched on during the debate. Trump brought up Biden’s 1994 crime bill which undoubtedly placed thousands of African Americans in prison for minor drug charges.

“It was a mistake to pass that crime bill,” Biden said during the debate.

Mistakes happen! It probably wasn’t the best idea to have Biden’s democratic running mate be Kamala Harris with her record of incarcerating even more minorities. Granted, it was her job.

The entire country has polarized this election. This is one of the most difficult decisions to make in this lifetime. Neither candidate is fit to be president but the American people have a decision to make.

Several Americans are complaining about voter suppression as they are being required to stand in lines for hours on end to make their voice heard during the early voting process voting today. Claims have been made that having a police presence at polls is also voter suppression.
There is even an entire county in Georgia where the polling stations just aren’t working for some reason. Now that is voter suppression.

Here we are the day after Election Day, and the American people are less than satisfied. Is anyone taking bets on when we will find out the winner?