April Fool’s Special: TKBWIHAGWCOF exposed on campus

Promotional poster for “Argylle” on Apple TV+. | MARV Studios

I know what you’re thinking and no, the headline is not just keyboard smash. This past weekend, a secret society that has been working underground at Saddleback for years has now come to light. This group, known as “The Knightly Bob(cat)s Working in Honor and Glory Without Credit Or Fame”, or TKBWIHAGWCOF, actually acts against what their name claims. 

TKBWIHAGWCOF goes around campus performing small acts of inconvenience including parking crookedly, moving taped-up flyers by a few centimeters and even trimming the lawn or shaking trees so that when the wind blows, the loose grass and leaves will fly into faces.

Allegedly, Saddleback President Elliott Smith is an active member of “the Society” in secret rebellion and petty revenge against students that give him a hard time. Word on the street is that this society is somehow related to his emerging retirement. 

The question now is how high up the ladder this society goes. There are rumors of specific A-list actors and musicians who endorse the club. One example would be Elliot Stern, the famous singer-songwriter from Portland, Oregon who performed his self-written song: “Miss Misery”.

An anonymous member has stated that TKBWIHAGWCOF originally started based on love of the movie “Kingsman: The Secret Service”, hence the name of the society, but quickly evolved–or more accurately, devolved–into the current day shenanigans. 

TKBWIHAGWCOF have finally come forward after all these years mostly due to one reason: because of the mutual distaste of the most recent “Kingsman” franchise movie “Argylle”. 

The members collectively hated the movie so much that they decided to give up the secret society entirely. Whether they will choose another movie to create a new secret group or retire alongside their leader is unknown, but for now, the student body of Saddleback–and society in general– is safe from this chaotically evil group of deviants. 

Disclaimer: This is an article written for April Fool’s Day.

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