April Fools’: The upside of social distancing

Orange County resident making the most out of quarantine. (Eryka Forquer/Lariat)

With the rapid spread of COVID-19 across the United States, more and more people are being condemned to self-isolation. While those with pessimistic attitudes may suffer from minor heart palpitations due to the fear that arises from hearing the phrases “self-quarantine,” “social distancing” and “isolation,” us misanthropists have never been happier.

While a pandemic that is only increasing in severity is never beneficial for anyone, it has made it socially acceptable in society to avoid all human interaction. In a time like this, it is important to take full advantage of the lemons that life gives you.

People do not have to pretend to like their neighbors anymore. Making small talk with someone that you have to unfortunately see on a daily basis can be draining. It is easier to love thy neighbor from a respectable distance, such as six feet.

“I now have a valid reason to not hang out with people I do not want to,” said Kaylea Forquer, “Thank you social distancing.”

Staying inside can stop the spread of COVID-19. When are you going to get another opportunity to help save the world by sitting on your ass all day and watching TV? What’s even better, is the lack of pressure to get ready and appear presentable.

“I can now walk around without a bra even more often now,” said Lana Fabrizi.

Given the substantial amount of people that inhabit the Earth, large crowds of people seem to linger in every place. With everyone being trapped in their homes, the streets are empty, businesses remain closed and mother nature is making a comeback.

The only thing worse than a mass of people is traffic. Sitting bumper to bumper with no sign of movement in the foreseeable future has brought out everyone’s worst qualities. With quarantining, there are now less cars on the road and driving can actually be enjoyable.

Although having a steady income is imperative, work places are packed with infuriating coworkers and entitled customers who complain over any minor inconvenience. Earning a paycheck at the expense of your sanity is now an issue of the past. Money has always been overrated anyways.

While your liver may disagree, staying at home has thankfully made it more acceptable for those who are of age to indulge in a drink or two.

“I can now drink alone in my house without having a problem,” said college graduate Olivia Maklary. Don’t worry, she’s legal.

When running into those who you unfortunately have to call acquaintances in public, the subtle nod from afar is perfectly suitable. What was once regarded as rude behavior is now socially acceptable.

“I am so glad that I don’t have to hang out with my friends or people that I know,” said Hunter Cifuentes.

There are only so many reasons that one can use to avoid having to socially interact with others. However, people can no longer question the validity of the justifications being made. Being told to self-isolate by the government is now seen as a legitimate excuse.

Having a general disdain for the human species as a whole, controlling involuntary facial expressions has proven to be a difficult task. Thankfully, wearing a mask now has multiple benefits: it helps prevent the expansion of the virus and allows for all emotions to be displayed without consequence.

With the turmoil and chaos that COVID-19 is causing, its important to find the silver lining within this new reality. While we all wish it away, there are some aspects of this new world that should continue to be practiced in the future.