Dad jokes and memes brighten everyone’s day on Facebook. Reposted by Mimi Wetherell/Lariat
Dad jokes are known for being punny, corny and sometimes even humorous. They are in a genre all to themselves. Hearing them from someone in any situation may make you cringe at the inane punchline, groan or laugh out loud at the ridiculousness. Regardless, as we approach the end of 2020— thank goodness— and anticipate the festivities of this season, it is evident that a good laugh goes a long way in alleviating some of the stress of the holidays.
Here is a list of my top 25 dad jokes from Bored Panda— one for each day of December till Christmas:
- How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
- I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.
- If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
- I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
- I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know which comes first.
- My daughter screeched, “Daaaaaad, you haven’t listened to one word I’ve said, have you!?” What a strange way to start a conversation with me.
- My friend keeps saying, “cheer up, man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.” I know he means well.
- Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.
- If you see a robbery at an Apple Store, does that make you an iWitness?
- Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
- What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
- I used to have a job at a calendar factory, but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.
- How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles.
- Can February March? No, but April May!
- What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
- Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.
- I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I ever saw!
- Why wasn’t the woman happy with the velcro she bought? It was a total ripoff.
- A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, “First offender?” She says, “No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!”
- I’m only familiar with 25 letters in the English language. I don’t know why.
- As a lumberjack, I know that I’ve cut exactly 2,417 trees. I know because every time I cut one, I keep a log.
- Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.
- When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
- Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it!
- I was just reminiscing about the beautiful herb garden I had when I was growing up.