That is the disclaimer displayed upon entering the website for comedy tribute band Metal Skool. Though a bit intimidating, that line humorously epitomizes the true essence of the type of show Metal Skool routinely performs, leaving an intriguing amount of mystery to entice prospective fans.
After hurdling the initial shock of such and outlandish introduction, you are greeted with pictures, show dates, and a band bio, all of which are more than enough to convince regular attendance at shows for a proper “testicle shattering”. The nearest regularly played shows are done every Monday night at the Key Club in Los Angeles.
Metal Skool doesn’t perform until about midnight, but it’s wise to arrive at least an hour beforehand to ensure admittance, as space is limited and tickets are generally sold out by 11 p.m. in accordance with the band’s rising star status. The show itself is a force to be reckoned with.
The venue is small and always full, emitting a familiar redbull-and-vodka scent.
It is normally graced by celebrities such as American Idol winner Kelly Clarkson and Steve-O from the MTV show “Jackass.” After enduring an opening act that usually shows no indication of being nearly as awesome as Metal Skool, the band leaps onto stage, clad in full 80’s glam rock attire.
Spandex, eyeliner, teasedhair, and cowboy boots make regular appearances. The band members also embrace comedic altar-ego nicknames: Singer “Michael Starr,” guitarist “Satchel,” bass player “Lexxi Foxxx,” and drummer “Stix Zadinia.”
All arrive ready to put on an unforgettable show with songs by the likes of Poison, Guns ‘N Roses, and Van Halen, complete with light, smoke, and girls who jump on stage and take their tops off (not a joke- this action is frequented by the drunk girl who will most likely ask “What happened last night?”, and will consequently be mortified when they find out that 500 people just ogled her thousand-dollar boob job).
The show is also made complete by short solo performances by each member, including an intense solo by Satchel in which he is hooked up to a cable and pulled up over the crowd as he plays finger-blistering solos on his guitar.
This show is something that audience members will never forget (or never remember, for those who black out), but definitely meant for an adult crowd.
Make an appearance sometime soon to turn a boring Monday night into the step back into the world of 80’s glam rock.