In loving memory of the local Starbucks

The local Starbucks has closed. As a student at Saddleback, I am truly devastated. My coffee is no longer within walking distance. I am now forced to drive to the one down the street, right next to Chronic Tacos, which usually results in me getting a huge burrito and missing my next class because I am passed out in one of the nooks on the staircase of the library, knocked out by a food coma.

I want my local Starbucks back. In loving memory of the place that provided me with countless espresso shots and veggie platters, I am resurrecting the Starbucks blog for your enjoyment.

Starbucks is the only place in the world where you can find such a random smattering of people such as caffeine-ridden high school kids, depressed businesspeople, stressed out students, people on weird “this is our first date but not really” things, and creative, artsy sorts of people.

I’m not sure what the draw is about Starbucks, but even holding a water cup with that quintessential logo on it makes you feel cool, special and sophisticated, almost like “this isn’t just water, it’s Starbucks water.”

That could be the reason for the variety of people.

The preteen kids in Starbucks don’t really like coffee because they’ve never actually tasted it. They arrive in herds, and always get the biggest size of some sugary confection that tastes nothing like coffee. Some “mocha-licious-frappa-sugar” thing, piled high with whipped cream and chocolate shavings. They suck these things down like a Dyson vacuum and then run around chasing each other in some sort of sugar and caffeine induced form of teenage flirting. So cute.

Then there are the businesspeople. These are the most depressing specimens at Starbucks, so I’ll make it quick. Hunched over a shiny new laptop, large black coffee in hand displaying bags under their eyes is the depressed businessperson who got off work at 5 p.m. but is still working until Starbucks closes. I always just want to give them a hug.

Next we have the stress-case students who use coffee as a tool to help them plow through studying with speedy, caffeinated energy and a nervous twitch. They are surrounded by empty Venti cups, crumpled class notes and heavy textbooks, and are sweating and shaking from all of the coffee. They occupy a cushy couch in the corner all night, and even if there is a group of them, no one really talks, they just read and scribble things down, and get up only to go pee, which is frequent, thanks to five cups of coffee. I always wonder if they actually do well on tests with this method.

Right next to the crazy crammers we can find the “first date” kids, which are hilarious to watch. Dating is already an awkward sport, but sitting at a cramped table directly across from one another where you have no choice but to actually look the other person in the eye just makes it so much better. All the while, you are nursing your attractive coffee-breath and wondering when this thing will be over so you can just go get some real food next door from Albertacos. These types of people are never on an actual date. They are just “getting coffee.” Seriously, it’s a date! These two people are displaying such an intense awkwardness that it is similar to the tongue-tied mannerisms of a child learning to walk, talk, and process thought.

Lastly, we have my favorite Starbucks stereotype: the “Emo” kids. Clad in some sort of a unisex mullet haircut, a wardrobe that looks like it was snatched right off of a homeless person, and eyeliner smeared on boys and girls alike, they sit outside smoking and sipping their drinks, sulking and staring at nothing, possibly pondering their existence, judging by the sullen looks on their faces.

Then there is the creepy person who sits in the corner for hours and just watches other people in order to write some crazy blog for the school newspaper. Oh, wait, That’s me.

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