GUEST COLUMN: Gaining Weight but loving it

Travis Kabel

There is a misconceived epidemic occurring here in the U.S. and that is obesity. Often thought of in a negative light, I have come to realize that getting fat has been the best time of my life, and that contrary to popular belief, the overweight have it better than almost anyone else on the planet.

Over the last few years I have gained some immense weight after having been a healthy vegetarian for about eight years. When I sold out, I jumped head first into the splendors and tastes of meat and pastries. I lost myself in a cacophony of food, never allowing myself to come down from the warmth and security of the food coma. Continually gaining weight, my sellout back to the world of omnivores had been my downfall, until a bit of reflection had shown me how right it was to be obese. How daring, I thought, that despite the health risks, we the obese continue to plug along eating as if there were no tomorrow. We eat because deep down we know how important we really are.

We the obese thumb our noses at nature. Humans are no longer in need of fitness for survival, and we exemplify this. When was the last time you knew of anyone who needed to escape the jaws of a hungry predator? Sure, our thick butts slow us down, but they provide a balance against protruding stomachs, and the natural cushioning always gives us the best seat in the house. We get out of breath easy but it’s worth it because it serves as a warning that we might lose some of that extra-comfy protection. Who needs to run away anyway? When you’re fat it is almost impossible to be abducted.

We are good for the economy too. As we grow bigger we have to continually buy larger and larger clothes, therefore providing tons of jobs for any clothing retail operation. We overconsumers always reach for that extra helping (pumpkin pie this time of year) and because of this the food industry has soared. Our many and varied medical problems continue to surge money into the medical industry and help to keep medical companies and their technologies competitive. We also form the basis of the fitness industry, which is dedicated to getting us back in shape and healthy. Therefore the fat, and getting fatter, provide more jobs than those other in-shape, skinny “healthoholics” and have become a central pillar to the U.S. economy.

I hope this helps to shed some positive light on the world of obesity and urge everyone to give us hugs; we are warm, comfortable, very joyful and important.

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