Dancin’ fools trying to be cool

Nikki Jagerman

It’s hard being hip. As soon as you perfected the Soulja Boy Crank Dat dance you find out that it’s yesterday’s news. You know how embarrassing it is when people pull out the Macarena at parties? Yeah, that’s what the Crank Dat dance has turned into. The newest dance is the Tabarnak- coming to you straight out of Montreal.

The Thizz dance is cool because it’s relatively freestyle and everyone has their own spin on it. It’s a no-skill, no-memorization dance. Doing the Tabarnak requires balancing on one leg, but even if you can’t really do that and you have to wiggle around a lot to find your balance, no one will really know. YouTube’s video “Une Nouvelle Danse: Le Tabarnak” is a shining example of how to Tabarnak.

Balancing on one leg the entire time and swaying the other one around leads one to believe that someone with a broken leg created this dance. However, who cares? It makes balancing look gangster, in a French Canadian way. Crip walking was also a dumb craze because no one could really do it well, and if you could, you were still a loser because you’d spent so much time working on it. It’s the aloofness of the Tabarnak that makes it so mesmerizing.

This dance isn’t sexy. In fact, some people call it lazy. The people in the Lazy Camp are also the people that brought you the Harlem Shake and freak dancing, so it’s best not to take their opinion into account. Both the Harlem Shake and freak dancing are really hard to watch. Seizure convulsions are difficult to put to a beat, and bouncing while squatting is just awkward looking.

Competitive street dancing is exciting, hence “You Got Served” and “Stomp The Yard.” When a group is competing for the most original, creative, or insulting moves, it’s fun to watch. In the Tabarnak YouTube video, some of the dancers are trying to be funny and stand out with their own version while others are more passively original, opting to just wiggle their foot or kick up alternating legs. The whole thing is like watching a dead leg talent show.

Learn this dance and you’ll be a holiday party hit. After a few rounds of eggnog pong, this one legged dance will truly test your balancing skills. Tabarnaking, if nothing else, will make your holiday sweater look in vogue by comparison.

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