Dance, dance devolution

There are some forms of expression that can make a person appear as if they are lacking in the intelligence department.

I was driving to work and pulled up behind a dilapidated, rattling truck driven by some half-wit resident with a sign haphazardly taped to the back that read: “MACAIN 08 OK”. Take note: this is a stupid form of expression.

For one, the election is over. Two, there was no one named “MACAIN” running for president. I watched the truck sputter through a red light and rumble off into the distance. At least there wasn’t an “I Voted” sticker anywhere on the truck, phew! Then I would want to know why there isn’t a mandatory IQ test associated with the privilege of voting.

We intellectuals are living among mere mammals.

There is a magical place where you can find more humans of such caliber in fairly large quantities: the club. Mammals flock to these clubs, probably due to some primal mating instinct. This appears to be their natural habitat, complete with loud music that restricts speech to a bare minimum. This is a comfort zone for them because it keeps the mammals, or “clubbers”, from having to process thought into words that would likely be misspelled if scrawled on paper. But the music is only one of the factors that draw the clubbers back again and again.

Next there is the bar. This is a watering hole where the mammals drink hefty measures of liquor despite being properly hydrated. They never realize the implications of such activities until they lose control of their bodily functions and find themselves crying in the corner of the handicap bathroom stall wildly texting anyone in their phonebooks. No phone number is safe at this point, which means the next time they see Aunt Gertrude, she is undoubtedly going to ask why she received a message at 3 A.M. that read “I LUV U DRUNK 7SO MUCH LETS MKAK OUT 4EVER”.

Apart from being a drunken social spectacle, there are other things these clubbers enjoy, something they refer to as dancing, though it closely resembles sexual rituals commonly practiced among responsible, monogamous couples for reproductive purposes. The mammals, though, don’t seem to want any responsibilities, let alone offspring; they simply drink copious amounts of liquor, grind against one another, and, ultimately, mate. This often results in future recurrences (known as “booty calls”), rampant rises in STD levels, and infants.

What ever happened to class?

Dancing used to be respectable activity, complete with real music and full clothing. Now it has fallen into the pit of commonplace stupidity, spat back out into the unsuspecting public in its new, degrading form. Females, you must be naked and vulgar in order for the grunting Neanderthal men to find you attractive.

Is there anything wrong with this picture? Where is that old friend we used to know so well, chivalry? We are moving at a dangerous rate backwards in time, held close to humanity only by the ties that sane, clear-thinking humans have knotted.Some may argue that this club lifestyle is a personal choice and a form of expression.

Well, yes, it is. If you want to express that you desire alcohol poisoning, a scorching case of gonorrhea, and an illegitimate child all in one night, then clubbing is the way to go. Maybe you can throw in utter disregard for personal respect as a bonus.As for the rest of us: well, we can just keep picking up your evolutionary slack.

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