APRIL FOOLS: Saddleback to introduce sports spectating class in the fall 2016 semester

Steelers fans have the right idea about how to tailgate before a football game. They were getting as trashed as possible before kick-off. (Daveynln/Flickr)

Steelers fans have the right idea about how to tailgate before a football game. They were getting as trashed as possible before kick-off. (Daveynln/Flickr)

Starting in the fall 2016 semester, Saddleback College will begin its first sports spectating class. Upon successful completion of this course, students will have learned how to properly watch all live sports and be a perfect fan in the stands. The ideal spectator is only a semester away.

The team was making great plays and performing above standards while everyone sat in the stands unaware of how to behave. To prevent this from happening again at any game, any where, Saddleback is now offering a course in sports spectating.

“I can’t believe how much it costs to get drunk at a ball game nowadays,” said Anaheim Angels’ fan Billy Bacwen. “It’s an outrage, the cost of the tickets alone make you want to drink the pain away, but you can’t without breaking the bank.”

In this class the first thing learned will be how to sneak beer and liquor into the stadium. USA Today conducted a study stating everyone disagrees with paying $13 for a tall can of Bud Light and saving money on drinks is a valuable skill for college students.

“When I’m watching my favorite football team live, of course I’m gonna get wasted,” said Saddleback College student Steven Slurswurds. “But my goal is to do it as cheap as possible. I know that’s pretty ghetto, but hey I’m a college student.”

According to CNN, 10 out of 10 students agree getting faded is a part of college life. A perfect fan is so loaded throughout the game, they can hardly keep their eyes open wide enough to see it, let alone remember it. In this course students will learn the best ways to get marijuana and smoking devices past security.

“Dude, I never leave home without my maryjane,” said horticulture student Jason Weidman. “Don’t be a buster man, you gotta make sure your piece is glass, or you won’t pass the metal detectors.

The correct way to scream “winner, commin’ through” loudly through the walkways at those wearing the opposite jerseys, as well as, how to objectify women is listed in the syllabus as being covered in week three.

“I am so happy to have this course finally available to students,” said Saddleback College instructor Devin Mature. “All the different games I’ve been to, all of the fans are sober, quiet and just downright boring. There is never any action in the stands, this class is going to show students how to properly act and have real fun at a sporting event.”

Learning the importance of blocking the view of others and cheering obnoxiously for the wrong team are surely to be included. If stealing the fly ball from a little kid or picking a drunk fight for no reason doesn’t sound like a good idea, this course is a must. A change of behavior needs to be made and usually starts with tailgating.

A study done by Time Magazine in December of 2015 shows not everyone knows how to host a tailgate party. Those wishing to get everyone smashed and hallucinating by kick-off must follow the steps this class provides to do so effectively and efficiently.

“All I want to do is get hammered, see my team win and rage,” said Gauchos fan Cameron Gudwon.

After turnin’ up to the appropriate level, proceed to your seat and continue to act a fool. The details of complete foolishness will be discussed further in class.

Photo by: CC by 2.0

Photo by: CC by 2.0

 

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