Tunnel of palm trees at Coachella.
Did you pass out on Friday night and resurrect Sunday morning? Then you must be the Jesus of Coachella. You and about the other thousands of music lovers who attended the festival last weekend. I fortunately got the chance to attend the festival this year and now I finally understand the fear-of-missing-out-obsession with and why no one ever does Coachella sober.
A smart move or not, I left for Coachella early Friday morning so I didn’t enter the festival until later that evening. The worst part of the night may have been trying to enter the festival and to the girls walking in front of me, yes, please link hands and create your wall of friendship and walk incredibly slow, dragging your feet.
Don’t worry, take your time. I’m in no rush. It’s not like one of my favorite bands is going to perform in 10 minutes, so really continue talking about how Britney is such a wild animal that you won’t be able to recognize who she is by the end of the night.
The moment I entered the festival grounds it seemed as if I had been transported to an oasis, isolated from the rest of the world, full of beauty, art, and peace. I felt like Cinderella when she entered the ball, excited and a little bit nervous, but unlike her, the magic wouldn’t disappear at midnight it’d last forever–like a party that never seemed to end or until Sunday night.
Once inside, I vaguely remember where the time went. It’s 5 o’clock one moment, I’m dancing to Broods, and then I somehow found myself dancing to The XX and then it’s 10 o’clock and I was dancing away to Empire of the Sun.
Beyonce thank you so much for canceling, they don’t call you Queen B for nothing. Now I know what the B stands for and it certainly doesn’t stand for Beyonce.
Speaking of Queen Bs, my experience at the HP Lounge may have been the worst thing that could happen to anyone. I was extremely excited to view the virtual reality tour they had, the 360 camera and creating my own bandana with the 3D printer. The virtual reality tour and the 360 camera were the highlight of this dome. The technology I saw in there is without a doubt the central core of our future.
Afterwards I got in line to design a bandana and this is when everything bad that could happen became real. After waiting for over an hour in the blazing hot sun, my sister and I finally entered the cool and air conditioned dome. Needing to charge my phone, I sat on the sofa next to the computers that controlled the lights in the dome.
For a moment things were fantastic. I was almost next in line to design my bandana and my phone was charging. Which meant I would be able to post Lady Gaga and Martin Garrix’s performance on Snapchat so everyone could know I was here, because what was the point of coming if no one knew that I was here.
And then it happened. Some children and their parents sat next to me to play with the computer in front of me. It wasn’t a big deal at first, seeing as how we all fit on the sofa so I was okay with sharing the sofa, knowing just how tiresome it can be standing under the hot sun. This was my mistake.
The kids, who I assumed were a couple, began playing with the computer that controlled the lights. I figured I could be kind to them and let the children have fun. This was my second mistake.
I remember seeing a sign at the door stating that HP would possibly film inside so when these official looking camera men started to film the kids playing on the computer, I realized this wasn’t such a good idea. It got worse when the camera men would ask me if I could angel my head to the left because it was getting in the video.
Soon one of the camera men began filming behind my head while another filmed on the side of me, each getting in my personal bubble. Finally they asked if I could get off the sofa so they could film the couple. So grabbed my phone and stood back in line with my sister.
I get it. You would rather get a video of the blonde, skinny and underaged girl who looks like a Brandy Melville model and her boyfriend who looks like he so desperately wants to be the next Cameron Dallas, or whatever the next cool and trendy app is and become instantly famous for no talent what so ever.
I guess they make more of an appeal to the general mass than me, but no worries my phone was fully charged and I only a handful of people were in front of me for the bandana, so besides a little embarrassment, I was totally fine.
Then 10 minutes later, I was the next person on line. One of HP employees helping design the bandana smiles at me and calls for the next person in line.
This was my turn, after waiting for almost two hours I was next to design my bandana. I felt like everything in my entire 20 years of living had been leading to this moment and I was damn happy.
But then the camera guy cut me off and said if it was okay if I waited a few minutes more because they wanted the get the couple from before on video trying this as well.
And because I was stunned that this man had the audacity to ask me (even though he had already placed the kids and started filming before he finished asking) to let these children cut in front of me after I had been waiting under the sun 90 minutes just to design a bandana with the 3D printer, all I could respond with a shake of my head, indicating it was okay. Well it certainly wasn’t.
I later found out I was right about the couple, who were Dylan Jordan and Summer Mckeen, just a bunch of children trying to build fame on social media for being a couple. Sorry but you’re no F. Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald.
When I finally finished my design I headed towards the main stage to listen to The Head and the Heart and the world was okay again. Two Door Cinema Club, half the set of Future and Royksopp, surviving Martin Garrix and running to see DJ Snake I was sure every ounce of energy in me was gone.
Lady Gaga was set to go on in a few moments and just my luck, a group of high schoolers stood behind me. To all the parents at Coachella, if you want to bring your child to Coachella and treat her like an adult, then don’t blame me for treating her like one too.
If she thinks getting drunk and annoying the people around her, including her friends, is cool then she’ll definitely think it’s super cool when I shove her to the ground like the adult she is.
Coachella isn’t Coachella without dealing with a couple of intoxicated people. To the 30 year old guy who would not stop talking during Lorde’s performance until my band of fellow sisters cussed you out, to the girl who didn’t understand I didn’t want to use your brush as a mic, and to the guy who didn’t understand no one wanted to dance with you, thank you for making my first, and definitely not my last, Coachella memorable.