Frankenstein experiments on unsuspecting students

Melanie Roberts

Dr. Henry Frankenstein crept into the biology classrooms and took over at Saddleback College Tuesday, performing brain surgery and experimenting on innocent college students.

Frakenstein’s plan was to make a monster army.

“I am going to take the student brains and conjure up an army no one has seen before,” Frankenstein said. “Muwahahaha.”

Frankenstein is known for his obsession with human body parts and experimentation, and he brought that obsession to the Saddleback campus.

According to the head of the Saddleback biology department, Brian Holt, Frankenstein locked all the biology teachers in a room and planned on keeping them there until Halloween.

“He plans on taking over the brains of all the students that are biology majors. He wants to create an army of half corpse, half human monsters. What he is planning to do after that is unclear,” said Holt.

The few biology instructors that escaped were so frightened, they were unable to help.

Saddleback biology instructor Connie Young said, “Frankenstein came in Monday morning, during lecture, demanding to take over. I was so afraid, that I ran out of the room screaming. I was lucky to get away, but I can’t say the same for many of my colleagues.”

The mayhem continued as students emerged from biology classes with stitches across their foreheads. A few students had lost the ability to walk straight.

Emma Sweets, 19, English said, “When I went to meet my friend Fred [Jones] after class on Tuesday afternoon, he just kept grunting at me and had no recollection of what had happened.”

“At Mission Viejo Medical Center, they discovered his brain was replaced with the brain of a frog,” Sweets said. “Doctors claimed there was nothing they could do to fix him.”

The Swat teams arrived on the Saddleback campus by 1 p.m. on Tuesday. They were barely able to capture the mad man.

“Our team wasn’t prepared to take down a man with such high levels of intelligence and psychotic behavior,” said Swat team leader Jerry Pumpkin. “We’ve had to deal with some scary guys before, but never this bad. Dr. frankenstein has a deadly mixture of intelligence and insanity.”

“I was worried my men would come out with their heads sewed on backwards or with missing limbs. Most of our usual techniques were useless with him being able to outsmart almost anyone,” Pumpkin said.

They finally captured him using a distraction. The men lured him into the swat van with bloody organ props from a movie set. His obsession took over his mind.

Many students had animal brains, missing limbs, or body parts exchanged with those of corpses. Other student victims were paralyzed from surgical complications.

The Mission Viejo community and Saddleback faculty is worried that the victims will never be returned to their normal states of mind.

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