Due to a toxic seweage spill, football team turns to living dead ( CC BY 2.0)
A large toxic sewage spill leaked on to Saddleback College’s football field during practice, turning all the football players into blood thirsty zombies.
These football zombies stampeded through the college looking to eat every student that was in their way. They tackled the students and began feeding on their carcasses. Then they would rip their heads off and eat the brains.
“I have never in my life seen anything like this, these zombies were the hungriest creatures that I have ever seen” Chris Farley, 19, business said. “They should have just gone to IHOP. That’s where I would eat if I was a zombie.”
This was the worst pandemic that Saddleback had ever seen. The school was so excited about how well their football team was playing, and all of a sudden they were feeding on their peers. The good thing about this though is that they could definitely win the national championship.
They could eat all the competition and wouldn’t have to worry about losing a game, but if they didn’t feast on the referees as well then they would probably be disqualified.
“We should have no problem winning nationals now,” Michael Jordan, 20, kinesiology said. “Our team will just eat everyone and we will win.”
Winning nationals was very important to Saddleback, but not as important as the students well being. A cure needed to be found.
“We went to several science labs in Orange County looking for a cure and we found nothing,” Charlie Sheen, 21, winning said. “I went home and watched Zombieland to try to figure out a cure.”
What could cure these football zombies and stop all of the mayhem at Saddleback College?
“After a great zombie movie and some booze, I realized how much Woody Harrelson loved Twinkies in Zombieland,” Sheen said. “Why not give it a shot.”
Sheen bought a truckload of Twinkies and gave them to the zombies. After they devoured those foamy treats, they changed back into the football players that we all grew to love.
We all had Sheen to thank for his heroics and money to buy all those Twinkies.
“Those zombies got a dose of Charlie Sheen,” Sheen said. “Winning.”