Musketeers film assaults box office

Michael Dorame

Another version of “The Three Musketeers” has hit theaters once again.

This new one unfortunately includes a couple of blimp air-ships, modernized weapons and some matrix-like action where you can’t tell what’s going on.

The usual suspects Athos, Porthos and Aramis meet up with the young, arrogant D’Artagnan, who wants to kill them all over stupid crap and so he meets them all in the same location to duel.

Of course, they all immediately become friends once they see they have a common enemy, the cardinal and the Duke of Buckingham, played by once well cast actor Orlando Bloom, whom they join forces against.

The action is just like any other modern matrix-like over the top, unrealistic action you might see in any modern day movie.

It includes all the common clichés and stupidity you would see in any other artistically cheap and superficial action film.

Weapons have been modernized including a machine cannon on one of the ornate air ships.

Much of the movie consists of badly written dialogue and the storyline has mostly to do with the cardinal’s plots to take over France.

They had to have a skanky female object in the film, Milady, who easily takes out guards with her super martial arts skills.

And what modern day shallow action film would be complete without an over weight idiot for the main characters to make fun of and treat like crap?

This is accomplished by the Three Musketeers servant, who is always told to shut up. Wow, comic gold. Not.

The supposed good guys aren’t really that good.

They are all willing to kill D’Artagnan over stupid offences in the beginning and he in turn is willing to kill them, and yet they all become friends when they have a fight with the cardinals men, in which they easily fight off 40 dudes.

Whatever happened to challenge? This movie doesn’t portray it well.

One scene that is especially disappointing is when D’Artagnan fails to convey mercy on Milady, who was lenient towards him in an earlier scene. What a horrible character.

What ever happened to adventure and actual good guys, who children could look up to?

As for the acting, it wasn’t horrible, but the characters just don’t reach that level in which a connection or attachment was made.

The actors in the film did well in other films, but just didn’t seem to do as good of a job in this one.

Over the top and cheap are the two words that describe this movie best.

It was just like any other over budgeted Hollywood action film. While the sets, costume design and scenery were all beautiful, the movie most certainly was not.

It gets one star out of five, and that one star comes only because of the design aspect.

A waste of money and time, the Disney version was much better.

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